An Athletic Approach to Leadership and Life
|
Ageism and Ageing Up, A Q and A with Mariah © Mariah Burton Nelson What are you trying to accomplish? I want to help people embrace aging as a natural part of life. I also want to help all of us, at all ages, free ourselves from age-related fear, shame, deceit, and discrimination. What's your main message? Ageism hurts all of us and there is a path to liberation, which I refer to as Aging Up. That path includes:
Gerontophobia is ageism. I like the term "gerontophobe" better because it sounds more like a dinosaur and helps us externalize the problem. It's as if we've all got a giant dinosaur -- something old and ancient and outdated, but still powerful -- whispering in our ear. It says, "Old is ugly. Old is shameful. Whatever you do, don't look or act old!" What are some examples of ageist language? Listen to how we talk about old people: "old bags," "old hags," "old biddies," "old birds," "old fogies," "old fangled," "old fashioned," "old geezers," "old and decrepit," "over the hill," "blue hairs," "golden oldies," "vulnerable," "frail," "declining," "dowdy," "doddering," "fuddy duddies," "out of touch," "not getting any younger," and "responsible for a mountain of debt that will become an intolerable burden on society." No wonder no one wants to become old! It's funny but it's also ageist. It's hurtful to all of us. But naturally, no one wants to grow old, right? Depends on what you mean by old. Naturally, we don't want to be thought of as ugly or irrelevant but collectively, we have the power to change how society thinks about and treats old people. Naturally, we don't want to get sick but "old" does not necessarily mean "sick." And naturally, we don't want to die until we in fact become ready to die, as many people ultimately do. Why should it matter to other people if I try to look young? Think about it: How do you think people in their 80s and 90s feel about the rest of us frantically trying to look and act young? Should they feel like failures because they went ahead and got old? And someday, if you're lucky, you'll be 80 or 90 too. It would be a good idea to start aging gracefully now. It's quite an adjustment to make, and it takes practice. Is ageism a personal problem or a political one? Both. To solve it, we need to start on the personal level, with consciousness-raising, as women did in the seventies. Most of us aren't aware of our own ageism. I encourage people to meet in small Aging Up groups to tell their own stories about their bodies, their sexuality, their fears and feelings, hopes and dreams. From that beginning, we'll become empowered to make broader social and political changes. Do you think it's wrong to try to look young? It's not wrong it's a personal choice but I believe it's misguided. In my view, it's never healthy to try to be someone or something you're not. I'm a proponent of authenticity: accepting ourselves as we are. When we try to remain young, we deny ourselves the opportunity for aging-related personal growth and insight. Are you opposed to cosmetic surgery? Yes -- for the same reason I'm opposed to skin lightening for dark-skinned people. It's physically dangerous people die from it each year and it's even more damaging to our self-esteem. Jamie Lee Curtis and Halle Berry have come out against face-lifts recently too. But surgery is just a symptom of the problem, which is ageism. What about dyed hair? Is that wrong too? I'm not here to tell people what to do with their hair. The women's movement was trivialized when the media focused on hairy legs, though "to shave or not to shave" was never the point. All liberation movements are fundamentally about freedom and choice. All I really want to do is to help people realize that aging nothing to be dreaded or ashamed of. In fact, it can lead to deep insight and inner peace both of which might be necessary to deal courageously with physical challenges that can come with age. But youth is inherently more attractive than age, right? Youth is not inherently more attractive than age. We just believe it is because of ageism the way some people used to believe that white skin or European facial features were "inherently" more attractive than dark skin or African/Caribbean/Asian/Latino/Native American facial features. If you don't believe me, think about a grandparent you adored as a child. Wasn't that person beautiful to you? Unclouded by ageism, children often have clearer vision than adults. Still, given discrimination, it seems more practical to try to appear young, right? At various points in history, individuals have tried to survive or thrive by disguising themselves as white, straight, or Gentile. But passing has never been a successful political strategy. Until we "come out" about our age, discrimination will continue. Do you really think you can change how people look at old people? Yes. We really do have the power to redefine what it means to grow old, just as women redefined what it meant to be female, disabled people have redefined what it means to use a wheelchair, etc. What does aging up mean? Aging up is a term athletes use to describe entering a new age group, as in, "My sixtieth birthday's in November; I can't wait to age up!" They say it with enthusiasm not only because it's a competitive advantage to race against slightly older people, but because athletes feel tremendous pride about simply staying in the game, regardless of how they compare to other people. It's one of the few age-related cultural references that's positive. I like it because two of the most important factors in leading a long, healthy life are positive attitude and athletic activity. Aging up encompasses both. I expand the definition to include approaching a new age of life with clarity, optimism, and gratitude. Isn't it natural to get a little soft in the middle as you age? Yes, it is. And there's nothing wrong with that. Fifty-year-olds should not look like 25-year-olds, though in this youth-obsessed culture, they often feel like they should. But often, middle-aged people are not flabby or sore because of age. They're flabby or sore because they eat too much and don't exercise enough. Often, old people are not weak or frail due to old age. They're weak or frail due to insufficient physical conditioning. Research has shown that nursing home residents who start lifting weights experience incredible improvements in strength and mobility, sometimes even discarding the walkers or canes that they had come to think of as inevitable accessories of old age. What's physical intelligence? Physical intelligence is a term I use to refer to the ability to listen to your body's subtle signals, and respond wisely. It's even more important than emotional intelligence, I believe, especially as we age. Rather than grow increasingly dependent on doctors and the dysfunctional medical care system to solve our physical problems, we must learn how to respond to and care for our own bodies, as much as possible, on a daily basis and over time. I believe that the more we develop our physical intelligence, the more we'll appreciate middle and old age. Are you trying to recapture an era in which the elderly were respected for their wisdom? Yes, in part. But I don't believe old people automatically become wise. I'm not simply replacing existing stereotypes doddering, confused, cranky for a rose-colored view of old people as sages. But I do think older people deserve respect for their contributions, their experience, and their longevity. I also think that old age offers opportunities for wisdom: physical, emotional, and spiritual. If we pay attention, we really should be getting wiser as we get older and that's something to look forward to. But isn't everyone afraid of death or painful death? Not necessarily. Some people who have near-death experiences report feeling calm, peaceful, even ecstatic. Old people are also having a "near-death experience," in a sense. That's not to say that old people become calm or ecstatic, necessarily, but I do think old age can be a time when people begin to glimpse death, and learn from it. If people are not too stressed by financial or social problems, it can be a time of tremendous spiritual growth.
Questions? Contact Mariah at Mariah@MariahBurtonNelson.com |