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"Think of yourself as an athlete. I guarantee you it will change the way you walk, the way you work, and the decisions you make about leadership, teamwork, and success."- MBN |
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IS YOUR HEART'S TRUE HOME?How Big Questions Can Transform Your Career © Mariah Burton Nelson 2001 A few years ago, an aspiring young writer named Sarah asked me to be her mentor. I agreed, and after we concluded our first meeting, I asked her to evaluate the session. How helpful was it? Did it meet her expectations? "It was very helpful," Sarah told me, "but I was surprised, because I thought I would be the one asking most of the questions!" Indeed, I had spent most of the evening asking about her passions, her strengths, her goals. In response to my final questions about our session, my young protegee spontaneously identified a process I have since begun to use consciously as a mentor, as a business owner, and in my other leadership roles. I've come to believe that leaders need to ask "big questions" -- first of ourselves, then of others. By asking big questions, you create new possibilities, solicit information and insights, demonstrate interest in others, and build relationships. You free yourself from the need to provide answers, which can be a relief. Few answers after the attacksIn the wake of September 11, for instance, I found that I had very few answers. I live in Arlington, Virginia, just a couple miles from the Pentagon. Like many Americans, I experienced the attacks as "hitting home," and for weeks afterward, I was depressed, anxious, deeply sad -- and shocked, trying to comprehend the incomprehensible. I didn't understand why the hijackers killed themselves and thousands of other people. I didn't know what Americans should be doing in response. I couldn't think of any spiritual perspective that would ameliorate my grief and anxiety. I didn't know who began sending anthrax through the mail, or what to do about that. I didn't know what would happen next. I still don't know many of those things. Focus on one's own missionBut by asking big questions, I began to regain my inner peace and equilibrium. What is my purpose? I asked myself... and I remembered my mission statement: "To demonstrate courage, compassion, creativity, excellence, and humor as I write and speak the truth as I understand it." As a writer and speaker, I can continue to do that. I don't have to resolve or even fully comprehend a complex international conflict. I can donate money, I can pray, I can help in other ways, but mostly I just need to focus on who I am, and pursue my own path. The Spanish word querencia is defined as "affection," "longing," or "favorite spot." I've also heard it translated as "the heart's true home." I've asked myself this as well: "Where is my heart's true home?" Just asking that question points me toward peace. Once I felt more centered, I began asking these same questions, and others, of my colleagues in the National Speakers Association. I'm President of the Washington, D.C. chapter this year, so in that role I've tried to offer leadership by asking big questions that will help our members continue to serve their audiences and thrive in their businesses. "What do audiences need now that only you can provide?" I asked them. "What must you do to adjust to the changes in the hotel, travel, and meetings industries?" Some things we don't want to knowPondering the big picture can be scary. Sometimes we simply don't want to know. A printer who attended one of my workshops feared that her entire industry was becoming obsolete, and would eventually be replaced by digital technology. "Where will the printing industry be in ten years?" I asked. "I don't even want to think about it," she replied, laughing nervously. But after I gently coaxed her to ask some big questions, she engaged in an honest analysis, and several months later reported that she had made major changes, including investing in a digital press and positioning the company as cutting-edge. Her willingness to ask big-picture questions not only saved her company from extinction, it enabled her to grow the company into a profitable, attractive, and modern business that will eventually fund her retirement. Asking questions is harder than it sounds. It requires patience to listen to long answers or confused silences. You might hear responses that are not appealing or simple to implement. Yet in the long run, asking questions actually saves time and simplifies tasks because the process helps us clarify our purpose, our priorities, and our plans. The power of listening Asking big questions can also feel risky -- as linguist Deborah Tannen has noted in her famous observation that men are often reluctant to ask for directions. It's true that some men fear that asking questions might make them appear vulnerable or insecure. Women in male-dominated professions can feel the same way. Sometimes, to ask questions is to admit that one is lost, literally or figuratively. You must be willing to appear confused or uncertain. You must also be willing to listen and to demonstrate that you care for others -- all of which ultimately makes you look more powerful and secure, not less. Now more than ever, leaders need to admit that they don't know everything. Instead, we must find the courage to ask big questions, such as: "What do you care about most?" "Where are you going"? "How and when will you get there?" "How are things?" and "How might things be?" A poet's question The poet Mary Oliver asks a question that is particularly pertinent for these uncertain times: "What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?"
To contact Mariah about her presentations, call 703/276-8323 or write to her at Mariah@MariahBurtonNelson.com Home ©
2000-2002 Mariah Burton Nelson 2002
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