Mariah Burton Nelson: Article

MARIAH BURTON NELSON
An Athletic Approach to Leadership and Life

Champions Put the Fun and Games Back in Competition
Washington Business Journal, September 2003
© Mariah Burton Nelson

During presentations, I usually stop at "half-time" and give the audience a quiz. "We need to practice competing openly and playfully," I explain. I ask questions related to competition, such as, "Who said, 'You have to win. If you don't win, nobody pays attention?'" I toss candy to people who answer my questions correctly. They drop the candy. We argue over whether it was a bad toss or a bad catch.

In other words, we play.

Competition is usually serious business. Executives engage in important conversations about competitive pricing and global competition. Employees fret about an increasingly competitive marketplace. Entrepreneurs plan ways to "eliminate the competition."

But during all this grave talk about "the competition," we tend to forget that competing can fun. And we tend to focus on them, forgetting to look within.

Do you compete at work? Are there certain colleagues with whom you believe you should not compete? Why? Do you ever joke about competing for projects or Ping-Pong bragging rights or best-dressed awards? If not, why not?

As an athlete and business owner, I find it helpful to understand my own competitive styles, beliefs and behaviors. I coach others to do so as well. We all need to figure out how to compete without losing our dignity, integrity, and sense of humor. We need to develop a practical, enjoyable, effective approach to competition. Fortunately, I've got just the thing.

First, here's a quiz for you:

1) Which sentence best describes your competitive style?
a) I enjoy dominating, crushing, and humiliating the opposition.
b) I'm not competitive. Even if I were, I wouldn't admit it.
c) When faced with an opponent, I smile knowingly, grateful for the opportunity to improve the level of my own game.

2) What are you most likely to do after you win an award?
a) Gloat.
b) Blush.
c) Shake hands with the others who were being considered for the same award.

3) Which sentence best describes your belief about competition at work?
a) It's a natural part law of evolution: survival of the fittest.
b) It's a primitive behavior that we'll evolve beyond.
c) It challenges me to evolve personally since it forces me to clarify what I want.

Did you try to figure out which were the "right" answers? Did you want to win?

There are no right answers in that quiz, but there are patterns. The "a" answers point toward an approach I call the Conqueror's Way. Conquerors accept competition as a natural part of daily life, but tend to overdo it, "slaughtering the enemy" when mere victory would suffice. Former presidential candidate Ross Perot, writing in his autobiography about his competition for a computer service contract, said, "I am going to kill those guys, then I'm going to bury them, and then I am going to dance on their graves until the stench gets so bad I can't stand it." Conquerors can win with that sort of attitude, but those victories come at a high cost to themselves (it hurts to be hateful) and their opponents (it hurts to be "killed" as well.)

The "b" answers indicate The Cheerleader's Way. Cheerleaders avoid competition when they can. Concerned about the feelings of others, they don’t want anyone else to lose, and think "competitive" is synonymous with "cruel." They also fear that their successes would spawn angry repercussions from Conquerors. So they stay on the sidelines. They want everyone to get along.

Neither of these approaches works very well in today's business world, where even the most successful leaders are expected to be gracious team players, and all team players must compete for promotions, raises, and attention, whether they feel like competing or not.

Fortunately, as I promised, I've got just the thing. It's a middle way, an approach that respects our basic human desires for both dominance and harmony. I call it the Champion's Way.

Champions compete openly and playfully. They honor their own ambitions – and also those of their opponents. The word "compete" comes from the Latin "competere," meaning "to seek together." I think of it as "seeking excellence together with those who share your goals." Champions want to win, but they approach life as a series of games with many wins, many losses, and many opportunities to seek excellence together with those who share their goals.

Sometimes athletes have trouble explaining this perspective to reporters. In a recent issue of Sports Illustrated, Andre Agassi was asked about Pete Sampras' retirement. "Does it bother you that you'll never get another shot at him?" asked the reporter.

"It bothers me that we'll never get to play again," said Agassi. "We played 34 times, and a lot of those were big matches. So it's not that I wish I had another shot at him, it's that we were pushed by each other."

Champions push each other to excel. That's why they shake hands afterward. They're grateful for the opportunity, win or lose. Athletes experience this process as fun. Business people can too.

We need to win, however winning may be defined in a particular context. After all, "If you don't win, nobody pays attention." It was Billie Jean King who said that. Chris Evert, King's rival, commented, "The joy of winning lasts about an hour."

Both are true. Ultimately the joy of competition derives not from winning itself, but from trying to win – openly, playfully, and respectfully. Like a Champion.