Mariah Burton Nelson: Why I've Appeared on Geraldo Rivera's Show 5 Times

"Think of yourself as an athlete. I guarantee you it will change the way you walk, the way you work, and the decisions you make about leadership, teamwork, and success."- MBN

Why I've Appeared on Geraldo Rivera's Show 5 Times
© Mariah Burton Nelson
Knight-Ridder/Tribune, 1996

The stronger women get, the more men love football. —MBN

Geraldo Rivera's producer called. He asked me to appear on Rivera Live to talk about coach Tom Osborne's decision to reinstate Lawrence Phillips on the Nebraska football team.

"Haven't I already been on your show?" I asked. "Like, four times?"
"That's why I want you back," he said.

"But do you think it does any good?" I asked.

No matter how many talk shows I appear on, football and baseball and basketball and hockey players keep beating up women. It doesn’t seem to matter, either, that former athletes join me on these shows, explaining that they did indeed learn through football and other “manly” sports to have contempt for women. The athletes who abuse women don’t watch talk shows. Or they don't agree with me that beating up women is wrong. They agree, perhaps, with the coaches and fans who justify male violence. Sometimes these men appear on the shows too, "for balance."

My second book, The Stronger Women Get, The More Men Love Football, was released on June 12, 1994, the day OJ Simpson was arrested and charged with double homicide. Because I had mentioned OJ's history of domestic violence in the book, and because I described a pervasive pattern of rape, gang rape, wife-beating, and misogyny in the male sports culture, I was invited to appear on everything from Dateline to Good Morning America to Crossfire.

I said on these shows that known wife-beater OJ Simpson should have been incarcerated long ago. I said convicted rapist Mike Tyson should not be given a hero’s welcome home from prison. I talked about boxer Sugar Ray Leonard, who admitted during a press conference that he had struck his wife with his fists. And the Glen Ridge, New Jersey high school athletes who raped the retarded girl with a mini-bat.
There's a pattern here, I said. The problem is not sports, but a sports culture where rape is a joke; where sex is a conquest, where “real men” learn to equate masculinity with dominance and violence.
Male athletes supported my claims. On Maury Povitch, former Dallas Cowboy John Niland admitted that he beat his first wife, Iree Van Cleve, and broke her nose. "If a person gets paid to be violent eight hours a day,” he said, “it’s impossible to come home and be normal."

Povitch asked, "Can you point to any former teammates who could handle those two worlds?"

Niland shook his head. "None come to mind. Of the top 22 players who were on my Superbowl team, 19 were married, and 16 are divorced today. Maybe they weren’t all violent, but I think they were emotionally violent to some degree."

On CBS' Eye On America, former Denver Broncos star Vance Johnson admitted that he beat his first wife and knocked her unconscious. His teammates laughed. “It was a joke to them. That’s unfortunate, because I needed help.”

Today’s athletes are not getting that help, apparently, because in the past few months, Nebraska running back Lawrence Phillips yanked his ex-girlfriend out of bed and dragged her down three flights of stairs by her hair; Warren Moon slapped and choked his wife, Felicia, so hard she almost passed out; Cincinnati Bengals defensive lineman Dan Wilkinson was charged with punching his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach; Tennessee wide receiver Nilo Sylvan was charged with raping a 17-year-old; and Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox was charged with "simple" battery after striking his wife. These are only a few examples of men who were arrested for their crimes. The entire list would take up all the space in this column.

I am not amazed that athletes' violence against women continues. I don't really believe that I'm going to change the world by chatting with Phil Donahue. What surprises me is the reaction from fans. When I appeared on Geraldo Rivera’s show for the fifth time, Phillips' former high school assistant principal, Ty Pagone, maintained that Phillips should not be suspended for the entire season. “Is one incident out of control?” he asked. “How many women did he assault?"

“How many women should each college football player should be allowed to assault before being kicked off the team?” I asked. “Six? Ten?”

On radio shows, men call in anonymously and scream at me. They rationalize "isolated incidents"; they defend "natural male aggression." They call me names: Lesbian, feminist, radical feminist, Femi-Nazi, male-basher, man-hater, castrator.

So why do I do this? It's not fun. If it's not changing the world, why bother?

Actually, I’m enough of an optimist to believe that it might change the world a tiny bit. Tom Osborne missed his opportunity to become a moral leader, but another coach might hear me, and hear the reformed, former wife-beater male athletes who agree with me, then announce this simple, radical policy: “No rape jokes, no wife-beating jokes, and no staying on the team if you assault anyone."

An athlete might decide to stop defeating women at all costs.

A fan might decide to stop cheering for male violence. Instead he might use his voice to articulate a new, desperately needed vision of what it means to be The Man.

For more on this subject, read. The Stronger Women Get, The More Men Love Football

For reprint permission contact the author, information below.

To contact Mariah about her presentations, call 703/276-8323 or write to her at Mariah@MariahBurtonNelson.com

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