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Playing Time
by Mariah Burton Nelson  

College athletes email me and approach me after speeches, asking for advice. They're "not getting enough playing time." The business equivalent would be not getting to participate in a desirable project.

They say: "very frustrated," "tried everything," "not fun anymore," "coach doesn't like me," and "thinking of quitting."

I know how they feel. We all do.

I don't advise these young athletes to practice harder or talk to the coach. They're already doing that. Instead, I try to help them use the experience to build character and perspective. I might say:

1) Sure, you "deserve" to play, but people don't get what they deserve. Now what? Are you acting like a victim or a good sport? Which attitude do your teammates prefer?

2) Look around. See how other "subs" feel. See how (or if) they support the team. Learn what to do or not do.

3) You're still a leader. Other players are watching how you handle disappointments and adversity. What are you teaching them?

4) Remember why you started playing this game. Are practices still fun? Are your teammates still fun? If not, rediscover your passion for the game itself.

The bench is a bummer, whether you're sitting because of a coach, a supervisor, or fate. No one likes being left out. But we don't always get to play. Fortunately, benches can be good places to think: About attitude, adversity, leadership, and even love.

Point #1: Those who simply strive for more playing time can miss opportunities for wisdom and growth.

Point #2: People are always watching to see: How do you handle adversity?

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